worked up

I am so damn worked up this afternoon.. was reading some of the blogs some other joker out there posted... to me they are just a piece of junk.. you see they view human body as a piece of tool to satisfy their lust .. and I am talking about both men and women.. we are all the same, we can be "open" to any other people as if this is like reading magazine or watching tele...come on... do we have a bit of respect to our body??

I mean yes I can be too opinionated.. I don't have to care what others are doing.. I don't have to be so mad if some one uses this freaking famous four letter F*** word like how we blink our eyes.. I don't have to care.. you tell me that we have freedom.. and I just have to do what I think best for me... dun have to be so affected by some stanger over the net whom I have no idea who they are..

But it doesn't work for me... I notice that I have to be upset.. perhaps I am upset of this entire world.. perhaps I am just afraid that I might end up like this piece of junk one day.. perhaps I am just fearfull if it happens to anyone of my family/ loved ones...yeah perhaps..

I am not getting any better, considering that I complaint almost everyday about how we human should live...

why....

I am just tired..

till then.


But wait.. I still have hope.. to the GREATer one seated on the throne...

God bless my soul.

too much

and this is how i feel about my life now... too much of junk, too much of dissapointment, too much of hope, too much of jealousy, too much of thoughts, too much of fears, too much of problems..

get on my life i must... but i am too into enlarging my own problem, so much so that it eats up my life and passion and joy...

was not happy whole day... went to church as usual, meet friends and put up a normal face... talk normal stuff... and man.. I am troubled.. about work, relationship, prroperty, marriage... work, friends, relationship, jealousy, fear..

hhmmm... yes it's just me.... I must change and must move on ..

can't believe that some joker on the net actually say that I am a freak.. well, I have my own thought about making friends, I can choose to accept nor otherwise right... don't have to be so worked up by a comment a stanger made... hahaha

it's not early now... tomorrow is another long day...

au revoir.

deception

A brand new day for me.. I was quite exited about this new chapter in my life in the morning, but when evening came..I felt a bit lost.

Talked to D when I walked back home and laughed as if I was the happiest person in the whole wide world as usual.. I guess I am quite good at playing this masquerade game... Guess he'll never notice..

A bit disappointed now.. that I have to through a lonely night again.. and there's a lot of things to read up before I sleep and start a new day tomorrow.

Was expecting some news from J, but apparently there's none. Pretty disappointed. I mean I really do hope that we are friends, not someone who finds joy in making fun and taking advantage of each other. Perhaps I think too much, the load of work that he's handling now is impossible for him to write or call back.. come on.

But I am depressed now. I don't know what I want to achieve now. I thought I can handle things very well, but I fail myself. Hhmm... just dawn upon me that this could due to some pms.. yeah, I think so.. OK.. enough of self pity, must get up and work now. There's so much for me to read and digest.

Ciao

Start

It's a start! ok, I admit, I am not a good story teller, but I thought to post some of my thoughts would be good for myself too! You see, I don't really document down anything since high school, and my imaginary power is disappearing.. so VOILA! so much trouble I have to go through to get the email set up and create this blog.. Hope I'll continue using it.

You see, I am not a very free man, well, no one is, but I am exceptioanally busy, as the work is taking so much time of my own, can't seem to breathe.. And sometimes even if I have time, I would rather sit in front of the couch and catch some good show, but I figure it's just input, not output whatsoever, and the writing skill is deteriorating.. Ah, did I mention that my sis actually won some country writing award or something? Yea, she's good, I mean come on.. the family CAN write.. just that this girl typing now is slowly loosing the gift.. Anyway, back to the intention of creating the blog, yeah, to help imagination and documenting some thought..

One author says that everyone menifests.. only different is that some menifest much and others lack, I guess one way to help me menifest more is through writing.. so there! a start.

Cheers.